I’m not entirely sure that I ever knew

Looking back on it now, as I have always had a tendency to do in the silent moments that find me, I’m not entirely sure that I ever knew. That probably sounds like bullshit now, you know, after the fact. But I think I mean it, for the most part at least. I’m sure I meant it then too, I suppose.

The truth is that in this world we know very little. There is a minuscule amount of certainty in day to day life. The few certainties we do receive are unpredictable, like death, for instance. Death will come when it comes and there is not a damn thing we can do to stop it. Is there not some organic romance to that though? We all plod about waiting for fate to descend upon us and grant us with whatever obstacles are ahead of us. Our control dwarfs in comparison to the volatile reality of life. Every aspect is randomized by human nature.

This should be taught to children rather than fairytales. Fables of human travesty or blunder are paramount. Perhaps that is cynical. Maybe children do need happily ever after to establish and perceive hope. But I find it harmful to parade children around, filling their heads with unattainable fallacy. If they are so dear to us, if we love them so much then why not give them the greatest chance to succeed despite the unpredictable nature of mankind? Be honest with them. Let us put facts into their minds, not fiction. Do we not owe them that?

The world is but seven billion lives trying to survive, all spinning their webs with persistence. I replay my life like a movie, each image flickering upon the screen in my mind. So many things to regret, so many things to cherish. But in between those moments in which we reminisce and obsess over are the moments I believe I lived the finest. The simple moments that dictate each day, the moments I pay no mind to, like how I take my cup of coffee or which shoe I put on first. Our lives are filled with tiny decisions that mean nearly as much as the larger ones we make. Because there is very little control, very little in the way of predictability. There is only a heart that beats and lungs that breathe.

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